David Copperfield - Charles Dickens, David Gates DAVID COPPERFIELD: MASTER VILLAIN

oh you architect of doom!

your devious passivity and willful naivete know no boundaries!
your crimes are many!

your poor doting mother - hustled off to an early grave, and you do nothing!
you repay the Murdstones' attempts at improvement with intransigence and a savage bite!
you return Mr. Creakle's guiding hand with laziness and scorn!
you do nothing as your idol Steerforth humiliates Mr. Mell!
you run from honest work in a factory! you must be too good for that!
you impose upon your poor dear aunt Betsy Trotwood!
you immediately discount poor umble Uriah Heep! how dare you condescend to him!
you say nothing as Rosa Dartle defames good honest people! over dinner!
you introduce that atrocious snake Steerforth to those good honest people!
you terrorize your poor landlady!
your drunken shenanigans with Steerforth are revolting! good Agnes was no doubt secretly appalled!
you caution Traddles to avoid generosity with Micawber! mind your own business, Iago!
you stalk your boss's daughter! only Jip recognizes your villainy!
you entangle poor Julia Mills in your scheming!
you attempt to extract money from your workplace - but fortunately Mr. Spenlow and his partner are wise to your gambits!
you continue to stalk poor innocent Dora - even after her father's untimely death! and no doubt your villainy was the cause of that!
you bind Dora to you! the poor doomed natural! you set the servants against her! you make her hold your pens, you tyrant!
you help Uriah Heep cause a good Doctor much stress! you cast aspersions on that Doctor's own wife! her cousin! their marriage!
you strike the poor umble Uriah Heep across the face! a resounding blow!
you monster - berating and "improving" Dora to an early grave! the poor natural, the innocent child-wife! even Jip dies at your feet!
you humiliate and drive away the poor umble Uriah Heep!
you allow poor honest Ham to plunge into the sea - to his death!
you fail to save your friend Steerforth from his own watery death!
you allow Rosa Dartle to heap abuse upon his grieving mother!
you laughingly exile two families to criminal Australia!
you secretly gloat and sneer while witnessing the very proper Mr. Lattimer and poor umble Uriah Heep behind bars!
your most dastardly deed: stringing along the good Agnes - for decades! and finally, you bind her to you in a long-game marriage-plot! i fear for her safety!

oh Diabolic Doady!

oh you monstrous villain, David Copperfield!